Much like comic strip artist Bill Watterson, I have long suspected that it must be a great temptation to misuse ones parental authority for the purpose of personal jokes. And I'm sure people do. I mean, hey, let's face it: there are parents out there who use their little ones as vessels of hatred. I've seen those Jerry Springer specials, when I was in college, featuring little white supremacist children talking about how much they hate anyone who isn't white, or for that matter, just like them.
A great man named Homer J. Simpson once noted, "Kids are the best. You can teach them to hate the things you hate." And he's right. You totally can. But I wondered recently, as I watched two little kids get off the school bus and go into their house, with a McCain-Palin sign on the lawn, what if someone manipulated the data? And by someone, I mean me.
First I would have to ask the kids if they know who G. Gordon Liddy is. Then I would tell them that they should immediately go inside and tell their parents that they heard that John McCain thinks that G. Gordon Liddy is just the awesomest, and that's because John McCain is actually Richard Nixon. (By the way, I do not actually believe John McCain is Richard Nixon. That would be like believing people and dinosaurs existed at the same time: idiotic, and against all facts.)
And when their parents ask them where they heard that, I would tell them they should say "Fox News." Or Ann Coulter. Whichever. Both.
The next step would be to do this however many times I saw a little kid near a McCain sign. Then I would be famous. And sued.
2 years ago
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