Celebrating Thanksgiving with soy.

Amanda has told me that Turducken is all the rage on the food network these days. I'm thrilled. I had some last Christmas and thought it was pretty good. Some might say, in these trying financial times, that turducken is overkill, or an exercise in excess. It is, after all, three types of fowl shoved up each other to make one super-fowl.

I disagree. Sure, a turducken is a turkey stuffed with a duck which has been stuffed with a chicken, and maybe to some that seems like "too much." I don't think so. And I'll tell you why: if there was no such thing as turducken, no one would get to say "turducken," which is a hilarious word because it contains the word "turd." And that, to me, is funny. Because food names are no places for poop jokes or references.

There is a delicious Chinese appetizer sampler that I can't order with a straight face, and as such, I don't order it. It's called a pu-pu platter. I KNOW that it does not mean the same thing in Cantonese or Mandarin as it does in English, but that DOES NOT MATTER. There is a discernible toilet reference in the name of this food. And all the paper-wrapped chicken and beef on skewers and those little shrimp chips in the world can't change that.

I think that the makers of the popular vegetarian turkey substitute Tofurkey should develop their own holiday hybrid. You can do awesome stuff with tofu, so why not make a tofu turducken? I even have a name ready for them. Ready? Tofucken.

Yep. It's tofu made to taste like turkey, duck and chicken. Plus it's got a swear in it.