The "Old Person" blogs, part the deuce

Original title: Grown-up/Not a grown-up
Original date of publication: September 18, 2007

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You have conversations with other grown-ups about IRAs and 401-Ks.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*You are secretly pleased when you've made better investment choices than they have, and they have 20 years on you.

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You and your roommate buy a whiteboard to keep on the fridge in order to exchange vital information such as groceries you need and where you can be reached if there's an emergency.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*It immediately becomes home to vital information such as movie quotes and how good kettle chips are. It also serves as "the leaderboard;" a list of who is "on notice" and/or "dead to me."

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You pay NiMo and your landlord on time every month, along with your insurance, credit card bills and student loans.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*With the rest of your hard-earned money, you plan to purchase a Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man.

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*When your shift ends, if your work isn't done, you stay to finish it instead of bolting out the door and hoping you're faster than your boss.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*You gloat almost audibly when you see even ten bucks of overtime on your check.

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You're a stickler for spelling and accuracy.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*When people spell poorly or make silly mistakes, you threaten to "kick their ass for an hour."

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*A good night's sleep becomes more important to you than a fun night out.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*Wine is still more important than...well, a lot of stuff.

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*Yankee Candles fall into the "luxury" category.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*You still keep buying 'em.

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You have intelligent and well-reasoned political opinions.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*You're not above calling the opposing candidate a "dumbass."

How you can tell you're a grown-up:
*You think kids today are not as smart as you were at their age, and are complete wusses.
How you can tell you're not a grown-up:
*You announce frequently that kids today are not as smart as you were at their age, and are complete wusses.

The "Old Person" blogs, part the first...

Original title: How to tell if you're becoming an old person
Original date of publication: April 2, 2007

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I was watching "That 70s Show" on DVD in an effort to both wake myself up and make myself cheery for work. Used to be that Hyde was my favorite character, because he's an evil genius and not as much of an asshole as he pretends to be. (NONE OF US are as much of an asshole as we pretend to be. Some of us are way less of one, some are significantly more!) Plus, if you ignore his scientology leanings and longhaired-ness, Danny Masterson is fairly hot. So there you have that.Then Jackie became my favorite character (and to some degree still is) because of the fact that she tells things like they are, and her eventual emotional growth.But anyway, this morning I found myself thinking that the best character on the show, bar none, from start to finish, is Red. That's right, the hard-ass parent who likes nothing better than to rain on his only son's parade and make life difficult for every person who walks into his house. I even find myself frequently using one of his most inspired quotes, "If it weren't for rules, we'd all just be sitting in trees flinging our crap at each other."Yes, Red. YES WE WOULD.Add that to the fact that I've been considering my budget very carefully these days, watching what I eat and drink, setting up elaborate paramenters for myself and considering my 401-K at LENGTH, and I have come to the conclusion that I'm becoming an old person. I have actually said (and meant!) "That is not music, it's noise/screaming!" I am usually in bed by 11:30. Good grief, I'm dull.But there really are so many dumbasses out there...

Movin' on up to the B-side...

So here is my "blogger" blog, which I am planning to flop my particular favorite myspace blogs
to, in case I actually decided to really and truly quit myspace.

I keep saying I will. I never do.

I imagine myspace is more difficult to quit than some other, more legitimate addiction, such as gambling or crack. Because at least with myspace, it's free and you get something out of it--i.e., remaining in touch with people.

From what I've heard, gambling and crack just cost money, and there's really no benefit.