When is the appropriate time...?

**This is from my old blog, too, dated 2/16/08. These dates are actually extremely telling! But that's a story for later, I guess...**

Eventually, you have to stop being mad about things. Staying mad forever isn't healthy. But if you stop too quickly, I'm not sure that's healthy, either.
Today I was talking to my mom, who is 60 years old and very smart, and has been through a great deal in her life, and she fairly offhandedly mentioned something she's still pretty cheesed about. It happened about three months ago, and I maintained that, given the circumstances that (reasonably) closely surrounded the event, she should drop it. She said she could not do that, because it was very hurtful to her. I pointed out that hanging on to anger is a drain on her, and (call me a hippie if you want) it's just putting bad energy in the world. She said no, the anger is not draining because she doesn't think about it or particularly ever "feel" it, and she honestly does not send out bad"vibes" toward the people responsible for her hurt.

Okay. Hint taken. Shut up, Christine.

So, is three months too long to hang on to anger, even anger you're not "feeling," really? And wait a minute! If you're angry, aren't you feeling anger? Isn't that sort of a given? Doesn't being angry entail--DIRECTLY--feeling anger? I'm pretty sure it does...
What about people who suffer harrowing or at least semi-harrowing ends to relationships and proceed to hate the other person forever? That's bad, right? What about people who lose relatives to violent crime, then have the incredible wherewithall to forgive the criminal? You look at that and then you feel like a total bitch for wondering how long you can realistically stay mad at your boss for making you come in on a Sunday. How long can you stay mad at a friend who takes their own life? That's pretty hefty compared to, how long can you stay mad at Revlon for discontinuing the lipstick you like? How long can you stay mad at yourself? For anything?

Are there actually any rules? When is the appropriate time to cut the bullshit? Is the appropriate time ever "never"?

Thank God for the Dalai Lama, because I think he may be the only guy who can get his head around all this stuff.